gin_san | [IC] Appointments

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[IC] Appointments

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[ She grips her chopsticks so hard, she crushes them. HOW DARE HE BRING THAT UP? Like he does EVERY DAY.

But she can't get angry. She can't flip the table, then beat him into a coma with it. That won't get her some presents. It's hard work, but she calms herself, and begins eating her rice by tipping the bowl up to her face. ]

Ah, you know what egg week reminds me of aru? A red coat. Didn't we know someone else who always wore a red coat?

[ YES. LEAD THE CONVERSATION TO SANTA. He'll say "Oh, I know! You're thinking of Santa!" then it will move into present territory. She's so smart! ]

Eh? Why would egg week make you think of Sakamoto Tatsuma, hah? Don't tell me you're thinking of giving your eggs up to that bastard, oi. That's gonna make Gin-san do something really extreme, and you don't want him to do that first thing in the morning, oi!

[ Gintoki's voice is starting to rise in that precarious way he does when he starts to get anxious.]

[ She slams her bowl down, barely managing to hit the table with it instead of his head. ]

Why would I think of such a minor character aru? The one I am thinking of only comes once a year, but he still has a bigger part than some drunken perm aru. And yet you do not see Santa in the opening songs aru, do you?

[ Gintoki goes to take a sip of his milk, and that's when it hits him. It's December, and it's cold, which means...

She wants a fucking Christmas present.

He almost chokes on the milk, but manages to get it down, and reaches for the puke-colored rice, and shovels some into his mouth. ]

Why would you give your eggs to Santa, hah? [ Asked through a mouthful of food, chewing with his mouth open in the rudest way possible. ] You don't have some sort of old man fetish do you?

It is not a fetish, aru. It is a normal tradition.

[ She steps back, waving a hand toward the couch where there is a plate holding several types of egg dish, along with a note that reads "For Santa". ]

[ Wait a minute.

Why is she offering Santa eggs?!?!

Is this some sort of weird euphemism for telling Santa that she wants to give him her eggs, too? Does Kagura secretly want Santa to fill her eggs with his **** so she can be taken to the North Pole and become Santa's second wife? Does she want to give birth to elves?!

No way. No, no, no, no, no way.

Gintoki raises a hand up and slaps it down on the table with such a huge thump that all the contents of the table go flying, and then he gets up and runs over to the egg dish on the coffee table, grabbing it. ]

How the hell is this normal, hah?!

Oi, don't tell me you're already at that age where you want to find a man and have babies!! If you think you're gonna go off with some old geezer and give him your eggs, you're a hundred years too early, kusogaki! Gin-san's never gonna let that happen!

Edited 2013-12-27 20:43 (UTC)

[ There's a moment of mourning for her lost breakfast, which is now splattered on the floor and looking like it should probably have its own mosaic.

But, she rebounds quickly, turning to face him and laugh mockingly. ]

You're so naive! Yato do not hatch from eggs aru. An angel comes and puts a baby in a mommy's stomach because the papi is too busy spreading his hairs across the galaxy aru.

Iya, it sounds like mommy was getting spread by something else.

[ Deadpanned as Gintoki lifts the egg dish up to his nose to sniff. ]

[ That one flies over her head, so she'll just continue on. ]

These eggs are free, so it is not a big deal to give them to Santa aru. Besides, I am not opposed to a marriage to Santa. I will get free toys, yes? And Santa probably can not live much longer aru, so it will be a marriage of convenience.